Social Competency

Positive social competency leads to positive relationships, positive life choices, and increased resiliency.

Network of connections. Connection fosters resiliency at all ages. It is important to "love more than one"; that is, to have several groups of friends and relatives. For example, elderly adults who have at least four different groups of friends and relatives with whom they feel connected, and whom they see regularly, are more resilient and have fewer medical problems. The same is true for children and adolescents. Parents can encourage children and adolescents to develop emotional attachments with relatives, with neighbors, with others who share their interests, and with other members of organized activities. Once a child has developed emotional attachments, it is important to deliberately maintain them. For example, parents who are moving can try to make sure that their children remain in the same schools and activities so their network of connections is not disturbed. If that is not possible, parents can encourage children and adolescents to maintain their network of connections long distance.

Structure and clear expectations. Adults at home and in school need to promote social competence by providing consistent structure and clear expectations ; that is, a careful balance of rules that require children to be considerate of themselves and others. Children and adolescents do less well when there are too many rules, too few rules, or inconsistent rules. They need to know what is expected of them, what behaviors are acceptable, what behaviors are not acceptable, and the predictable, appropriate consequences of failure to abide by the rules.

Helping others . Helping others also builds social competence and resilience. This can take many forms: elementary students can read to first graders in school; adolescents can work in the town food pantry or help build houses for Habitat for Humanity; young adults can serve as mentors for children and adolescents.

Peace-building skills. Learning how to be appropriately assertive without being aggressive can also foster resilience. Children who know how to be assertive are least likely to be victims of bullies. They are also less likely to stand by and observe while others get bullied. And, finally, minimizing exposure to inappropriate entertainment also strengthens social competence. Violent TV shows, movies, and video games significantly increase violent responses by children and adolescents. This, in turn, reduces their resiliency.

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